


The Talk

by Pookaseraph



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Horny Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 06:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pookaseraph/pseuds/Pookaseraph
Summary: There are just a lot of things Clarus doesn't want to deal with, and magazines of naked men being delivered to his son is high on the list.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Kink Meme Fill: http://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/3016.html?thread=2158024#cmt2158024

There were few times Clarus missed his wife more than the days when it became abundantly clear that their children were growing up, and far faster than he would have liked. He didn't like to consider it snooping, but he did have a butler, and the man did oversee a large household staff... and the household staff did bring it to his attention when there were... _items_ found.

When his son was thirteen, Clarus had become quite aware of his tastes: boobs, asses and cars. He'd done his best to stumble through a conversation about respecting a sexual partner and safety that had left the two of them too embarrassed to look each other in the eyes for a week. Clarus liked to consider the conversation a success, by the time his son was twenty he was... 

Well Clarus could hardly claim he hadn't had a similar reputation at his son's age, promiscuous but respectful. He didn't like to think about his son in those terms, but there were more than a few women in the Crownsguard who reviewed his sexual performance in glowing terms where they thought Clarus couldn't hear.

Today, however, he was dealing with the newest... twist.

Gladio still lived at home, of course, largely because keeping a separate apartment when there was a family mansion going spare hardly made sense. Iris was still young, only just turned thirteen, and even with Jared he did need the extra hands around the house to keep the estate running smoothly.

So... Clarus was currently examining the contents of the mail that had arrived just earlier that day, delivered to his son, who had apparently not learned in the last half-decade that dirty magazine delivery was actually fairly inconspicuous now... which meant that it hardly made sense to expect it to remain politely unopened when their butler had a very well-established habit of opening and sorting the family correspondences.

It could have just looked like an exercise magazine from the picture on the cover. A young man with the defined musculature that his son seemed to favor adorned the cover; were it not for the come-hither look and the fact that the nude picture barely cut off below the hip bones it would have been entirely innocuous.

The interior of the magazine, on the other hand...

He was suddenly reminded of four young men and an old goat in Altissia, amused at the entire concept of a nude beach and eager to appreciate the foreign sights: 

Dicks everywhere.

Clarus wasn't a prude, but he didn't have a great deal of appreciation for the male form, so it was difficult to imagine the exact allure of the material. The general tenor of the magazine was obvious, however. When it came to women, Gladio didn't seem to have a type, but the men involved in the material were... to the man, well-muscled, and dressed - or undressed - with at least a few elements of martial uniform, and often with a weapon.

Kingsglaive, Crownsguard, Old War Army, it didn't seem to matter... in short, the sort of men Gladio worked with every day.

He tried to decide if the idea bothered him, that his son would be attracted to men, but in the end he decided that it was hardly his choice, and his son did also seem to be interested in women. If it came to that, he'd still probably not find it repugnant to produce an Amicitia heir. 

No, the issue more came with Clarus wondering if his son might be attracted to a closer coworker or the trouble that a gay relationship might cause his son's reputation. Clarus didn't _think_ Regis would mind, but Regis's son was still seventeen, and even a wise and level-headed man could be irrational when it came to a child.

The knock on the door shook him from his introspection, and he slid the magazine into one of the desk drawers. "Yes?"

Gladio pushed open the door, face confused. "You wanted to talk?"

Clarus gestured, and Gladio entered and took a seat across from him. "Son..."

Gladio straightened for a moment, catching his father's tone, and the bland look on his face immediately became more concerned. Still, he waited out his father's words.

"I know that you're aware the Amicitia family is held to a high level of scrutiny." Gladio said nothing, but he was clearly being attentive. "Much of that because of our service to King and Country as Shield."

"Dad, come on," Gladio responded, easing slightly. "You know I've got that part down, right?"

Clarus chuckled, and shook his head. "Sorry, I'm... making a hash of this one." He took a deep breath and nodded. "I just want to make sure you're aware that if you pursue a relationship with a man, it won't do to have it around the Crownsguard the way you are with women."

Gladio startled, and then frowned. "Dad... I'm not gay."

"Bisexual," Clarus said, if that was the route to this conversation his son wanted to take.

"Not... into guys," Gladio answered again. "I'm glad you'd be alright with that but I like women. I don't know why you'd... I mean... huh?" His son looked honestly and genuinely confused for a moment.

Clarus pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, he liked to think that Gladio wouldn't have felt the need to lie about it, but he supposed there was a possibility that he was still having trouble with the idea himself. "I... this came in the mail for you today."

He drew out the magazine and set it out for his son, who looked at the cover, clearly thought exactly what Clarus had at first, cracked the first page and came upon the same 'dicks everywhere' realization Clarus had and promptly shut it.

"I didn't order this."

Clarus sighed and raise a hand, dismissing the entire thing. It was addressed to Gladio, and Clarus wasn't going to go demand a credit card accounting but smut didn't usually just show up on a doorstep unasked.

Something struck Gladio just then, Clarus watched a realization dawn on his son, and the boy's eyes widened, and then he buried his face in his hand.

"What?" Clarus asked.

"Iris... um... asked to borrow my credit card last week."

It was Clarus's turn to look absolutely horrified.

"She said she needed... a few things she couldn't pick up in the store," his son continued, sounding a mix of amused, horrified, and annoyed.

"You're telling me my thirteen year old daughter borrowed your credit card to order a military smut magazine?" Clarus said, just to make absolutely certain that his son was saying exactly what Clarus thought he was saying.

"I'm saying I didn't order it, and Iris borrowed my credit card last week."

In the end, Clarus decided to have the entire thing repacked, Jared was hardly a messy mail opener, and he left the butler with strict instructions to set it in with the rest of the mail just after it was delivered, and then return to his day as normal.

When Clarus returned home from the Citadel the next evening, the tone in the living room was... deathly. A quick glance to Jared produced a small pile of personal correspondence for him to handle, and when he walked over to where Gladio was reclining on the couch, his son held up a small sheaf of paper that Clarus took without comment before he headed to his office to read.

He looked at Gladio's offering first.

Three months of credit card statements with over $150 dollars of charges highlighted to such innocuously named corporations as 'CGW Multimedia' and 'Infinity Unlimited' which took nary a glance at an internet search to see were the politely named umbrella corporations for... well... dicks everywhere.

Clarus had tried to work through a growing number of uncomfortable and horrified emotions that were roiling inside of him as a father of a young girl and when his son finally knocked an hour or so later, he wasn't entirely certain how he felt.

"Apparently _Iris's_ credit card comes with some sort of 'under 18' kickback from credit card processors," Gladio filled in the final missing piece. "It's a feature on those kid credit cards."

"How reassuring," Clarus answered. "Is there more?" He held up the credit card statement, Gladio shook his head. "A hundred and fifty dollars?!"

"There's another three hundred or so for clothes, she's paid me back," Gladio continued. "I wouldn't have even noticed."

"I'm certain that was the point," Clarus continued, not entirely certain he liked how devious his daughter was on the matter. "Just... let it be for now. I'll think of something."

"Do you want me to stop letting her steal the card?"

Clarus shrugged.

"I mean at that age I was looking at--"

"I know." Clarus sighed and shook his head. "Sure I can't talk you into bisexuality so I don't have to deal with this?"

"Sorry, Dad."

"I thought she was sweet on the Prince," Clarus said, finally just letting himself vent the odd frustration that had built up over the hour. His daughter's crush on the Prince was sweet, tender, and innocent... the pictures in the magazine were anything but that.

"She is," Gladio answered, and at least he sat, and for a moment it was odd to realize that his son was actually an adult now. "Noct's oblivious."

"I just don't like the idea that she might find a... less oblivious outlet," Clarus admitted. When he'd considered the possibility that Gladio was attracted to men that was strange to him, but acceptable, Gladio was an adult, he could make adult decisions...

If a man who looked like one of the ones in the magazine Clarus would have rather forgotten touched his daughter, they wouldn't find the body.

Nothing for it. He asked Iris to come to his office after dinner.

"Yeah, Dad?" She asked, coming in and sitting down.

She looked... like a little baby, so tiny and sweet. It was hard to image a rampaging waves of hormones in there, but it was clear that she was dealing with at least a curiosity, if not out-and-out desire, concerning boys... _men_.

"I..." Clarus sighed. "It's about the orders you've been putting on your brother's credit card."

"I paid Gladdy back!" Iris answered, immediately. "If he said I didn't he's lying."

"He said you paid him back," Clarus assured her, and she sat back down, and now that the obviousness of the problem was looking her in the face, Iris was definitely sweating, metaphorically if not literally, as she knew she was caught in something. He watched her eyes cycle through lies, wondering which one to use.

"I--"

Clarus held up his hand, and Iris quieted. "You're growing up. A hundred years ago I'd be looking for a husband for you about now."

"Dad..." Iris flushed crimson.

"But I'm sort of wishing we were getting Teen Insomnia delivered not..."

"Hot military bods..." Iris finished, through hands she was using to cover her face.

Words he'd never wanted to hear pass his daughter's lips. "If anyone at work has--"

"No!" Iris shook her head, flushing again.

A messy tumble of words erupted from his daughter that explained the string of events that involved Iris and her friends stumbling across an older sister's 'stash' and the subsequent rabbit hole that had followed, including Iris's acquisition of men's fitness magazines and rapidly deteriorated from there into borrowing of her brother's credit card before finishing with a hissed and confused: "And why do penises look so weird?!"

"I can't even begin to field that one," Clarus answered, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Most of it was just..." Iris didn't seem to have words to describe it. "Yaknow, like Gladdy dresses, but not Gladdy because ewwww."

Clarus nodded, and wished the universe would swallow him whole, because now his daughter was on a tirade about how unjust it was that guys could be hot but penises were floppy and weird.

Freshly assured that his daughter was looking but neither touching nor being touched, Clarus decided he would have to live with the results of the conversation. From what he'd gleaned the magazine was among the harder his daughter had acquired, lacking the vocabulary to search out exactly what she wanted.

"You look like hell," Regis told him the next day as they looked over the map of the latest Niff engagement.

"My daughter likes men in uniform, and I can never unknow this."

Regis frowned for a moment and shrugged. "I'll send her an invitation to the next Kingsglaive roll call."

"Regis, I will kill you myself and hang for the treason."

"Crownsguard full assembly?" He suggested.

"With my bare hands."


End file.
